Ack!

To be remembered for good witting is one thing. To be remembered for bad writing is another. The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest, is an an annual contest to see who can write the "best" opening line to the worst novel. Here are just a few of the many winners of 2007:

• Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee. --Jim Gleeson
• LaVerne was undeniably underdressed for this frigid weather; her black, rain-soaked tank top offered no protection and seemed to cling to her torso out of sheer rage, while her tie-dyed boa scarf hung lifeless around her neck like a giant, exhausted, pipe cleaner recently discarded after near-criminal overuse by an obviously sadistic (and rather flamboyant) plumber. --Andrew Cavallari
• As the hippo's jaws clamped on Henry's body he noted the four huge teeth badly in need of a clean, preferably with one of those electric sonic toothbrushes, and he reflected that his name would be immortalized by his unusual death, since hippo killings are not a daily occurrence, at least not in the high street of Chipping Sodbury. --Tim Lafferty
• What shocked Juliette as she entered the room was not that there was an escaped convict under her coverlet snuggling with her best teddy bear, but that there was a knife through his back, "And who," she wondered out loud, steadying herself against the faux-taffeta wallpaper, "would stab a teddy bear?" --Katie Alender
• The highway coiled up and around the mountain like a snake ready to strike because it was being harassed by one of those annoying guys on "Animal Planet." --Brent Sheppard
• The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, not even a sharp knife, but a dull one from that set of cheap knives you received as a wedding gift in a faux wooden block; the one you told yourself you'd replace, but in the end, forgot about because your husband ran off with another man, that kind of knife. --Lisa Lindquist

My appologies

Because of Christmas, I am taking a few days off from blogging. After Christmas, I will of course resume. So a very merry Christmas to all, and be sure to come back after it.
If you are insistent on reading my blog over my mini-vacation, I chose to highlight my favorite post from each week. The oldest posts are at the top.

• Allow me to introduce myself - my first ever post
• Dinner -about eating metal
• You'd Better Clap -the intersection of music and guns
• That will win the war -involves a "gay bomb"
• Still Loving the game -A Frisbee of death
  
• Wow! -beautiful typewriter art
• handy skirt -turn into a vending machine
• She did what? -licking Jeeps
• Liquid Ham -kosher too
• Mugger Angels -and rabbits
• oooooooooooooo! -ghosts and Spider-man
• Don't play with your food -vegetable orchestra
  
• shhhhhhhh! -a very quiet song
• adrenaline and shirts -extreme ironing
  

Free time to waste?

Fun Randomly Generated Websites

• Here is a zany random compliment generator. Sample: "You mutter such objects of equine delight that the mind's ability to sew slices of mordant ivory becomes tamed with visions of Tamsils in Constantinople."
• Here, you can be insulted by Shakespeare. Sample: "Thou misbegotten motley-minded fustilarian!"
• Here is a site which gives you 20 random words at a time. You can choose their first two letters. Sample included: "proffelewondered, rosy and man."
• Here is a random name generator. You can choose the name's origin and gender.
  
• And Here is a wonderful site with random words, random phrases where you can specify the parts of speech and commonness of the words, random sentences and random paragraphs where you decide the subjects. Sample sentence: "The oxygen doubts the chopped wrath."